Many Random Tellings
by quoddy
Summary: A collection of stories about FMA that maymay not have anything to do with anything. They mainly talk about how cool Roy is, but sometimes they wander off to Pocky and sockstealings...
1. Chapter 1

**Wom wom wom wom wom, welcome to my hut of many random tellings. I am the master of all that is you and me and he and she. Today, we will learn about some very important things like Full Metal Alchemist. Here is why.**

One day, when Roy Mustang was buying some freashly cut bread sushi from the sushi store, he saw a symbol. This wasn't just any symbol, though, it was…A CHAINMAIL ABOUT FINDING YOUR TRUE LOVE! Yeah, so Roy passed it by.

The next day, Riza Hawkeye happened to pass it on her way from swimming lessons. Yea, she swims. So, this random hippo comes out of nowhere and eats her clothes off, right? And then she falls into the chainmail thing.

So later, Roy was walking by that Chainmail symbol, when he saw a naked Riza in there. Yea, and he pulled her out or something and they made out and fell in love and then ate bread sushi forever. They also enjoyed the many cheeses of the world.

The moral of this story is, if you see the CHAINMAIL SYMBOL ABOUT FINDING YOUR TRUE LOVE be prepared to see them nude the next day. And here's to my beautiful Roy Juice, complete with coffee, passionfruit juice, lemon juice, soya sauce (SHOYU!), and brown sugar. Mmmm…this IS the taste of sophistication.

**Wom wom wom wom wom wom, goodbye my dear friends, and look forward to the next random morals FMA storys by Hut-person who has many random tellings.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wom, wom, wom, wom, wom, wom, welcome again. I give you an extra good one today, for I feel very happy. Mainly because YOU are indeed a lion. Let's just see.**

So, one day, Roy and Riza happened to be 'having a deep conversation that lasts many hours' in Roy's office, so Edward had to sit outside listening to irritable groans. After a while, he stood up, and did some one day standing for himself. (for he was too young for one night standing.) So he stood there for about three hours, until Roy and Riza finally came out, their hair messed up and military uniforms a bit rumpled.

"Dude, what DID you guys do in there?" for Edward was pretending to be an elephant, and elephants know not lots about Roy and Riza.

"We were, uh, eating some very large horses." Replied Riza, who felt that was an appropriate reply.

"Good thing YO MUM is gonna EAT YO THUMB! OHO!" but, Ed decided to eat it instead.

"Ahh! He's eating my thumb!"

"No, Riza…you are." Roy said, in a mysterious tone. Suddenly, he transformed into Envy.

"Holy crap! You mean I just spent all that time in there with Envy?" Envy nodded, but then started to eat Ed's thumb.

"ROAR! I AM THE ROY!" shouted Roy, as he crawled into the room, pretending to be a very hungry caterpillar. "Yum, yum!" he exclaimed as he munched delightfully on Ed's leg.

"WHY IS EVERYONE EATING ME?" Ed yelled, releasing Riza's thumb.

"Well it's about time…" Riza said, holding her sore thumb.

"Hi, I'm Lusttt!" Lust screamed, falling from the ceiling. "I loooook like a YOOOU" and then she made out with Roy Mustang, because she had a LUST to. Riza got angry, but that just made Lust have LUST to make out with Riza, too. So Hawkeye was stuck in a very awkward situation, I should think. Edward realised that Envy was really his half brother, so they hugged and made up for everything wrong in their lives.

"I love you brother!" yelled Ed.

"I love you to!" Envy replied, but for some really weird reason, Riza 'accidentally' hit then in surprise of Lust making out with her and walking backwards because of that and pushed them into a kiss. Yea, that was the day when Roy finally realised everything.

"So Lust has LUSTS to do crap!" Roy stated. So, then, Lust got a LUST to steal Roy's military uniform. Yea. So Roy was stuck in his underwear yelling at Lust. But since Roy is so hot, everyone in the room suddenly stopped for some sexual arousal or another. Roy looked at them weirdly, but then HE got a LUST to steal Riza's military uniform, which wasn't a good idea, since then Lust had a LUST to strip Riza of everything she was wearing and kidnap her.

"We must save the naked Riza from the lustful Lust!" Roy exclaimed.

"Aye aye, funky monkey!" Ed yelled.

"I will go on!" Envy shouted.

"…What the crap? Hey, you're that guy who got Riza to do crap to you that I wanted done to me!" Roy said, getting upset.

"Yeaaa…I have social issues, I couldn't tell her that I was not really you, just being you so I could do some paper work. They never let us do paper work at work anymore." Envy pulled a really sad face.

"Well, you can do mine from now on! As long as we save Riza!"

"Why? I thought you only did crap because she told you to." Ed said.

"Well, then you've been reading too many fanfictions, 'cause that's more of a lie than I being a mule's father."

"Is that REALLY a lie, Colonel?"

"Uh…no. No it isn't."

break for those wanting to wash that image out of their minds. 

"Yea, that wasn't entirely necessary to admit to, Roy."

"Yes…sorry about that."

"You know I was just joking."

"I was scared you weren't."

"Oh, yea, of COURSE. Let's ALL go blame each other."

"…What?"

"Quiet! Let's go save Riza!"

TO BE CONTINED…?

**Yea, well, that was my fanfic. Liked it's horrible disturbingness? Yes, I thought you would. Roy's the main character, by the way. Because I like Roy. This is a result of Roy Juice, yea, it's that good. 8-)**


End file.
